The Scape-Boating of Michael “Brownie” Brown
Many of us of a boomerish age will remember a commercial for a brand of cereal in which the tagline was, “give it to Mikey, he’ll eat anything.
I remember thinking that could be any boy I knew, in so many ways.
Lil Mikey was a passive aggressive kind of guy, however, at the time we just thought of him as a follower with leadership qualities. Was he showing strength or weakness as he chowed down on the untested cereal?
Michael DeWayne Brown was Director of FEMA, when Hurricane Katrina hit the coast line like Laura Bush hitting a pedestrian. The man known as the current President, said that “Brownie was doing a heck of a job”. DANGER WILL ROBINSON…DANGER. As days progressed, we discovered that, as usual, no one in the White House knew what the fuck was going on. Instead of spending time and energy to focus on the emergency at hand, they focused on who they would pen the blame on. So it is fairly obvious that the Satan of Katrina became Mikey Brownie, because we all know “he’ll eat anything”.
I wanted to chat with the man we is responsible for the decline of western civilization as we know it. I found Mr. Brown to be bright, intelligent, far less bitter than he should be and with a great sense of humor. I wanted to face evil head on. Mano on Brownie so to speak.
Michael, it must be hard being Satan, and living in Colorado.
Satan? YOU'RE calling ME Satan? What's wrong with this picture?
My first question is, why did you decide to create this global warming that we have Mr. Bush has just became aware of?
What did you hope to gain out of it?
Well, when you're Satan, you try to do your best. But really, what global warming? Here in Colorado it's been a tough winter - more snow than usual and much colder temperatures than usual. I say "usual" but what does that mean? We've only been keeping records for a hundred years or so, and I think the weather has been around much longer than that. Even our "weatherproof" airport, Denver International, was closed for more than 40 hours during the Christmas season. Why is it that when it's warmer than usual in winter we call it global warming, but when it's colder than usual in winter, we don't call it global cooling?
While the Bush’s were training Saudi Arabian royalty, you were doing the same with Arabian Horses. What are the potential disasters that on might occur during the training of an Arabian hores?
Ah, see, Mr. Jett, even you have fallen prey to the inaccuracies of the mass media. I never trained Arabian horses. I was like a "commissioner of baseball or football" but instead for Arabian horse shows. My job was to investigate wrongdoing, prosecute those who violated the association's rules, provide educational programs for judges, stewards and other show officials. It involved a lot of legal work. As an attorney, it was a great opportunity to help a sport clean up its act. No, not cleaning up stalls, cleaning up its image and professionalism. So, having practiced law for almost twelve years, I took the Arabian job as a natural progressional of my legal work. I then became the FEMA general counsel. All lawyer positions, despite what the media likes to say.
When did you first decide to begin the devastation with Katrina? Also, why did you decide to sleep through the entire ordeal?
It was March, 2003. That was the month I warned then-Secretary of Homeland Security Tom Ridge that what his policies were doing to FEMA, and what the Administration was allowing to happen to FEMA, would ultimately result in FEMA's failure. I repeated that warning to Secretary Chertoff in early 2005, only to be ignored by him. Unfortunately, my prediction of FEMA's failure came true. I just had not planned on being around when it happened. I had made the decision to leave FEMA in the early summer of 2005 because I sincerely believed that what the Administration was doing in Homeland Security to FEMA would lead to its demise.

Actually, Chertoff is the one that made the fatal mistake in Katrina by ordering me to stay in my office in Baton Route, Louisiana, and to quit flying around the disaster zone, which covered approximately 90,000 square miles, because my being in the field, where the field commander belongs, was irritating him. I should have told Chertoff to, well, I should have told him in expletive terms to forget it, but I followed his order. My mistake. You cannot run a disaster the magnitude of Katrina from an office in Baton Rouge. It shows how naive Chertoff was or is about how to handle a disaster.

Somehow, Ray Nagin got a really nice Hollywood makeover, thanks to Katrina. I mean, pre Kat, he was nice looking and all, but now he looks like several million bucks. Why did you opt out of this process because, no offense, but in those post Kat photos of you, it was hard to find your face for the samsonites under your eyes?
Well, I don't know about the Mayor, but I had those samsonites because neither me nor my staff were sleeping, but working around-the-clock to try and make things work.
As you know, Anderson “Katrina” Cooper became the official spokes model for all that was wrong with New Orleans and you.
I thought we (the planet) made a good choice. He was on The Mole and the son of Gloria Vanderbilt. My question to you is, did you ever wear a pair of Gloria Vanderbilt jeans? And if so, did you think they made your ass look good?
They make Gloria Vanderbilt jeans? Gosh, I've never seen them in LL Bean when I've bought my other jeans.
Now, you have had to share part of the blame for Katrina, with members of the gay and lesbian community. Where were you guys holding your secret pre destruction meetings?
Ever heard of the "undisclosed location" Cheney goes to often?
This may be a bit controversial, but do you think gay men or gay women are better at creating catastrophes?
Am I on the Colbert Report again? You did see that show, didn't you? I'm an equal opportunity kind of guy - I think they're created equal.
Now I haven’t figured out, how you are responsible for this war, I suspect it has something to do with your relationship to Arabian whores. Can you tell us why you started this war and when you and the gays might decide to close her down?
Hello?
Can you share with our readers some insight as to what major world drama you have in store for us?
A book, of course. But this book will give all the details about the creation of the Department of Homeland Security, how it was messed up, and how today, even after billions of dollars and reorganization after reorganization, we're really no better off than we were before Homeland Security....and what we can do about it. I hope you'll read it.
What cereal do you eat most often and consider being your usual brand?
I prefer bite-sized shredded wheat with strawberries or raspberries and skim milk.

What was up with the rolled up sleeves? Whose thought was that and how was it discussed?
Well, you know how DC is....you either wear French cuff shirts with cufflinks or, like the President in Jackson Square after Katrina, you get photos taken with your sleeves rolled up because it makes you look like a person of the people. It is all such phony baloney. I had a staffer email me during Katrina saying, "roll up your sleeves, even the President's sleeves are rolled up." Such hogwash. My sleeves were the last thing on my mind during the disaster.

But watch television closely, and you'll see that what I'm saying is true!
Who are the buddies that you have that are still inside the beltway?
Oh, you'd be surprised! Some of them I can't name because I have to protect them from retaliation! Seriously, you'd be surprised at the number of people who still work in the Executive Office of the President, Homeland Security, FEMA, and, in particular, in Congress, that talk to me frequently. People know what happened and it hasn't effected our friendship or our professional relations.
What are the first things that come to mind when you think of the following pop culture icons?
Britney Spears
Vacuous
Bill O'Reilly
Smart, but chasing ratings too much.
Jane Hathaway (from The Beverly Hillbillies)
Every CEO's dream assistant.
Willie Nelson
Old fart that sings wonderfully and uses too much marijuana.
Jack E. Jett
Who?
Lynne Cheney
Pop culture? I don't think so. But, a very nice person.
Valerie Plame
Bloomberg Party. I spoke to Valerie and Joe during the Bloomberg Party after the White House correspondents' dinner last year. Sir Elton John
Tiny Dancer.
How recognizable are you in public?
Much more than I ever imagined. I've gotten accustomed to people approaching me now. They are very kind.
How have you dealt with the negative energy that was thrown your way directly after Katrina? Do you still get it?
My faith, family, and my very unique circle of friends has kept the negativity at bay. But, I still get irritated when I read some story that refers to me as "Michael Brown, the hapless former head of FEMA." Hapless? I hardly think so.
Do you feel that if the U.S didn't have it's head up the ass of Iraq, they would have, could have, responded quickly and adequately to disaters like Katrina?
No, the failures in Katrina had more to do with systemic problems in DHS, the marginalizing of FEMA, the ineffective leadership at the state and local level, than anything to do with Iraq. It had a lot to do with failing to pay attention to those of us who were screaming within the organization about how ineffective policies were going to cause FEMA to falter.

The rebuilding of New Orleans seems to be put on the back of the back burner, since you are not out of the picture, who are they blaming for that?
Amazing, isn't it. If you read the mainstream media accounts of me immediately following Katrina, one would assume that upon my departure, things would work wonderfully! But, they haven't. They haven't because, as I repeatedly warned the Administration, this country is not prepared for a catastrophic disaster. Katrina is proof of that. And, it goes to show that you can't always rely on the government to take care of everything. In fact, you should never rely on the government to take care of things. So, the politicians blame each other whoever they can find to point to.
How does one resurect his career after being scape goated by it's own government, especially one that has so many secrets?
Admit your mistakes. Tell the truth.

The Scape-Boating of Michael “Brownie” Brown
Many of us of a boomerish age will remember a commercial for a brand of cereal in which the tagline was, “give it to Mikey, he’ll eat anything.
I remember thinking that could be any boy I knew, in so many ways.
Lil Mikey was a passive aggressive kind of guy, however, at the time we just thought of him as a follower with leadership qualities. Was he showing strength or weakness as he chowed down on the untested cereal?
Michael DeWayne Brown was Director of FEMA, when Hurricane Katrina hit the coast line like Laura Bush hitting a pedestrian. The man known as the current President, said that “Brownie was doing a heck of a job”. DANGER WILL ROBINSON…DANGER. As days progressed, we discovered that, as usual, no one in the White House knew what the fuck was going on. Instead of spending time and energy to focus on the emergency at hand, they focused on who they would pen the blame on. So it is fairly obvious that the Satan of Katrina became Mikey Brownie, because we all know “he’ll eat anything”.
I wanted to chat with the man we is responsible for the decline of western civilization as we know it. I found Mr. Brown to be bright, intelligent, far less bitter than he should be and with a great sense of humor. I wanted to face evil head on. Mano on Brownie so to speak.
Michael, it must be hard being Satan, and living in Colorado.
Satan? YOU'RE calling ME Satan? What's wrong with this picture?
My first question is, why did you decide to create this global warming that we have Mr. Bush has just became aware of?
What did you hope to gain out of it?
Well, when you're Satan, you try to do your best. But really, what global warming? Here in Colorado it's been a tough winter - more snow than usual and much colder temperatures than usual. I say "usual" but what does that mean? We've only been keeping records for a hundred years or so, and I think the weather has been around much longer than that. Even our "weatherproof" airport, Denver International, was closed for more than 40 hours during the Christmas season. Why is it that when it's warmer than usual in winter we call it global warming, but when it's colder than usual in winter, we don't call it global cooling?
While the Bush’s were training Saudi Arabian royalty, you were doing the same with Arabian Horses. What are the potential disasters that on might occur during the training of an Arabian hores?
Ah, see, Mr. Jett, even you have fallen prey to the inaccuracies of the mass media. I never trained Arabian horses. I was like a "commissioner of baseball or football" but instead for Arabian horse shows. My job was to investigate wrongdoing, prosecute those who violated the association's rules, provide educational programs for judges, stewards and other show officials. It involved a lot of legal work. As an attorney, it was a great opportunity to help a sport clean up its act. No, not cleaning up stalls, cleaning up its image and professionalism. So, having practiced law for almost twelve years, I took the Arabian job as a natural progressional of my legal work. I then became the FEMA general counsel. All lawyer positions, despite what the media likes to say.
When did you first decide to begin the devastation with Katrina? Also, why did you decide to sleep through the entire ordeal?
It was March, 2003. That was the month I warned then-Secretary of Homeland Security Tom Ridge that what his policies were doing to FEMA, and what the Administration was allowing to happen to FEMA, would ultimately result in FEMA's failure. I repeated that warning to Secretary Chertoff in early 2005, only to be ignored by him. Unfortunately, my prediction of FEMA's failure came true. I just had not planned on being around when it happened. I had made the decision to leave FEMA in the early summer of 2005 because I sincerely believed that what the Administration was doing in Homeland Security to FEMA would lead to its demise.

Actually, Chertoff is the one that made the fatal mistake in Katrina by ordering me to stay in my office in Baton Route, Louisiana, and to quit flying around the disaster zone, which covered approximately 90,000 square miles, because my being in the field, where the field commander belongs, was irritating him. I should have told Chertoff to, well, I should have told him in expletive terms to forget it, but I followed his order. My mistake. You cannot run a disaster the magnitude of Katrina from an office in Baton Rouge. It shows how naive Chertoff was or is about how to handle a disaster.

Somehow, Ray Nagin got a really nice Hollywood makeover, thanks to Katrina. I mean, pre Kat, he was nice looking and all, but now he looks like several million bucks. Why did you opt out of this process because, no offense, but in those post Kat photos of you, it was hard to find your face for the samsonites under your eyes?
Well, I don't know about the Mayor, but I had those samsonites because neither me nor my staff were sleeping, but working around-the-clock to try and make things work.
As you know, Anderson “Katrina” Cooper became the official spokes model for all that was wrong with New Orleans and you.
I thought we (the planet) made a good choice. He was on The Mole and the son of Gloria Vanderbilt. My question to you is, did you ever wear a pair of Gloria Vanderbilt jeans? And if so, did you think they made your ass look good?
They make Gloria Vanderbilt jeans? Gosh, I've never seen them in LL Bean when I've bought my other jeans.
Now, you have had to share part of the blame for Katrina, with members of the gay and lesbian community. Where were you guys holding your secret pre destruction meetings?
Ever heard of the "undisclosed location" Cheney goes to often?
This may be a bit controversial, but do you think gay men or gay women are better at creating catastrophes?
Am I on the Colbert Report again? You did see that show, didn't you? I'm an equal opportunity kind of guy - I think they're created equal.
Now I haven’t figured out, how you are responsible for this war, I suspect it has something to do with your relationship to Arabian whores. Can you tell us why you started this war and when you and the gays might decide to close her down?
Hello?
Can you share with our readers some insight as to what major world drama you have in store for us?
A book, of course. But this book will give all the details about the creation of the Department of Homeland Security, how it was messed up, and how today, even after billions of dollars and reorganization after reorganization, we're really no better off than we were before Homeland Security....and what we can do about it. I hope you'll read it.
What cereal do you eat most often and consider being your usual brand?
I prefer bite-sized shredded wheat with strawberries or raspberries and skim milk.

What was up with the rolled up sleeves? Whose thought was that and how was it discussed?
Well, you know how DC is....you either wear French cuff shirts with cufflinks or, like the President in Jackson Square after Katrina, you get photos taken with your sleeves rolled up because it makes you look like a person of the people. It is all such phony baloney. I had a staffer email me during Katrina saying, "roll up your sleeves, even the President's sleeves are rolled up." Such hogwash. My sleeves were the last thing on my mind during the disaster.

But watch television closely, and you'll see that what I'm saying is true!
Who are the buddies that you have that are still inside the beltway?
Oh, you'd be surprised! Some of them I can't name because I have to protect them from retaliation! Seriously, you'd be surprised at the number of people who still work in the Executive Office of the President, Homeland Security, FEMA, and, in particular, in Congress, that talk to me frequently. People know what happened and it hasn't effected our friendship or our professional relations.
What are the first things that come to mind when you think of the following pop culture icons?
Britney Spears
Vacuous
Bill O'Reilly
Smart, but chasing ratings too much.
Jane Hathaway (from The Beverly Hillbillies)
Every CEO's dream assistant.
Willie Nelson
Old fart that sings wonderfully and uses too much marijuana.
Jack E. Jett
Who?
Lynne Cheney
Pop culture? I don't think so. But, a very nice person.
Valerie Plame
Bloomberg Party. I spoke to Valerie and Joe during the Bloomberg Party after the White House correspondents' dinner last year. Sir Elton John
Tiny Dancer.
How recognizable are you in public?
Much more than I ever imagined. I've gotten accustomed to people approaching me now. They are very kind.
How have you dealt with the negative energy that was thrown your way directly after Katrina? Do you still get it?
My faith, family, and my very unique circle of friends has kept the negativity at bay. But, I still get irritated when I read some story that refers to me as "Michael Brown, the hapless former head of FEMA." Hapless? I hardly think so.
Do you feel that if the U.S didn't have it's head up the ass of Iraq, they would have, could have, responded quickly and adequately to disaters like Katrina?
No, the failures in Katrina had more to do with systemic problems in DHS, the marginalizing of FEMA, the ineffective leadership at the state and local level, than anything to do with Iraq. It had a lot to do with failing to pay attention to those of us who were screaming within the organization about how ineffective policies were going to cause FEMA to falter.

The rebuilding of New Orleans seems to be put on the back of the back burner, since you are not out of the picture, who are they blaming for that?
Amazing, isn't it. If you read the mainstream media accounts of me immediately following Katrina, one would assume that upon my departure, things would work wonderfully! But, they haven't. They haven't because, as I repeatedly warned the Administration, this country is not prepared for a catastrophic disaster. Katrina is proof of that. And, it goes to show that you can't always rely on the government to take care of everything. In fact, you should never rely on the government to take care of things. So, the politicians blame each other whoever they can find to point to.
How does one resurect his career after being scape goated by it's own government, especially one that has so many secrets?
Admit your mistakes. Tell the truth.