This GOP'er is Hanging Up His Heels.

Richard Curtis, the right wing homophobic who has voted against every gay rights amendment he could, resigned today after getting busted taking it up the ass in
a porn shop while dressed in ladies undergarments. Mr. Curtis then proceeded to have unprotected anal sex with a male hooker and was both the giver and receiver. Richard Curtis says he is "not gay". I guess that makes me "really not gay" as I have never accomplished such feats.

Any he says that;

Today I submitted my letter of resignation to Gov. (Chris) Gregoire effective immediately. While I believe we’ve done some good and helped a lot of people during the time I served in the Legislature, events that have recently come to light have hurt a lot of people. I sincerely apologize for any pain my actions may have caused.
This has been damaging to my family, and I don’t want to subject them to any additional pain that might result from carrying out this matter under the scrutiny that comes with holding public office.

It is hard to have sympathy for a man who has probably had unprotected anal sex on more than one occasion and since he is "not gay" and probably should take an HIV test with his wife.

As a side gig, Mr. Curtis teaches firemen resuscitation techniques. Nice work if you can get it.

Jack Jett

Karen Hughes says Goodbye AGAIN!

Just like the never ending "goodbye" and "reunion" tours of The Judds, Karen Hughes has decided yet again to bail out on the sinking ship of the Bush administration. Yes, she did this once before in order to take care of her children. I assume they either got in the way or they didn't want her around. Her gapped tooth lying gal pal said that she "could not put on one sheet all the things that Karen has achieved, I would do so, but it would take me a long time" ......and I would probably forget where I put it and would never recall what I said because I am so busy trying to cover my ass for all the crimes this administration has committed. I added that last part.

Mr. Bush thought he would bring her back at one point so she could try and salvage some of the damage they did as a team. You know like totally destroying our relations with any other country. You know like having the world think we are nothing but a bunch of arrogant red necks who would just as soon kill you as to look at you. That sort of PR that a upbeact chick like Karen could certainly accomplish.

Anyway, as you can see from the top of the post, Karen has decided to go work for Honcho Magazine, not only as a cover model but as an expert in sado masochism. God knows, she has punnished us all enough. I am sorry, I got that wrong, it is not Honcho, it is Pancho a magazine designed for those who knit together panchos for those guards who are shooting people coming across the border.

Anyway, best of luck Karen and please don't come back.

Jack Jett

Waxman has Balls as Big as Texas

The Decider of Everything and Everyone

You got to give it up for Henry Waxman. That man has tenacity. If the face of constant red tape and angry republicans who have called him every name in the book, he is still trying to do the job the American people are paying him to do.
The problem is that the Bush administration and all the underhanded scandals surrounding almost every member of his team keep stonewalling Mr. Waxman. They make it next to impossible to get to the bottom of anything by using executive privileges that have never been used before. Now, Waxman is trying to get to the bottom of the Jack Abramoff (whose Abram) dealings and send the following letter to Fred Fielding (such an appropriate name).

It is clear that many White House staff had regular meetings with Mr. Abramhoff, after all, he spent as much time there as our dear friend and fellow contributor Jeff Gannon.

So we will see how this one plays out, but I hope that Santa drops by the Waxman house with all the documents that he needs to begin cleaning up the mess this pResident is leaving behind. Was Bush required to leave a deposit before moving into the White House?

Jack Jett

Shooting Gannons

James Guckhart, a.k.a. Jeff Gannon, is a true mystery man. While Gannon's name may ring a bell, you may have a tough time remembering his scandal. We have been having so much fun with hypocrisy lately that we tend to forget some of our earlier pioneers and discard them like reality show contestant. You have heard them say that a good man is hard to find and a hard man is good to find. Jeff Gannon is a hard man. Mr. Gannon became part of the White House Press Corps, reporting for Talon News, which at the time of his entry into the White House, no such news organization existed.

His questions in the press briefings were considered a little right of Fox News. His fellow journalist became suspicious, when during one conference he asked President Bush, making a reference to the economy, “You’ve said you are going to reach out to the Democrats; how are you going to work with people who seem to have divorced themselves from reality?" While seemingly conservative Gannon was playing the staunch Republican journalist, John Aravosis from Americablog brought to light that the hunky journalist had been doubling as a cyber hooker and stated that Gannon's nude photos appeared on more than one website. To add fuel to the Gannon mystery, he seemed to have free reign as far as coming and going from the White House, signing in, but rarely signing out.

In addition Jeff Gannon interviewed Ambassador Joseph Wilson and supposedly asked him about an internal memo relating to Valerie Plame. No matter how you slice or dice this story, this man is mysterious, and a hard mystery man is good to find. The gay community doesn’t know what to make of Mr. Gannon and he doesn’t know what to make of us. It is a mutual love/hate relationship. It is hard to get inside this man’s head, as he speaks in sound bytes and has the amazing talent of making you feel he has answered a question, when in reality, he has not. He could very easily be the next Tony Snow, which I would love to see, especially if Jeff Gannon would perform his press secretary duties while donning a jock strap. Jeff is working on a new book entitled "Hating Jeff Gannon."

Below is my man on man hot verbiage action with Mr. Mysterious.

JJ: Reading your blog, it seems that you might be even more conservative than George W. Bush.

JG: I believe that I am more conservative than George W. Bush. However, it is important to note that he has had to govern, which often necessitates political compromise, I had not had to make any such concessions.

JJ: What concessions?

JG: Bush’s position on illegal immigration is a perfect example of a political compromise. A true conservative would have built a border fence, dug a moat and stationed troops on the border long ago.

JJ: Are you more aligned with Bush or Cheney?
JG: That’s a tossup, since I find few distinctions between them. However, if I was forced to chose, I would say I am more in line with Cheney because I favor an aggressive expansion of our nation’s intelligence capabilities domestically and around the world.

JJ: You look like you could be Dick Cheney’s little brother….Do you think that the government should be able to monitor our phone calls, websites, perhaps our bowel movements?

JG: C’mon now, Cheney’s like 50 years older than me! I think that the government has an obligation to monitor communications that could reveal a plot to murder millions of Americans. Monitoring bowel movements? I’ll leave that to some of the gay bloggers, that’s much more their style.

JJ: Much has been made about your frequent visits to the White House and the lack of oversight. Why so much freedom, and what were you doing with yourself?

JG: That’s all just nonsense. Believe it or not, the Secret Service does shoddy record-keeping when it comes to reporters’ comings and goings. There was never anything improper between me and anyone at the White House. As far as being there when there wasn’t a briefing, there were other events that I covered, like a speech to a group like recipients of faith-based initiative funding or the unveiling of the Clinton portraits. Sometimes I went there to get background information for a story I was working on. I worked there!

JJ: It must have been a bit of a come down after spending the day with the A-Team, to then hang out with the run of the mill homos at night.

JG: I didn’t spend much time with the “run of the mill homos” as you say. I was very serious about my job as a reporter, columnist and talk show host and didn’t have much time for that even if I was inclined to do that – which I was not.

JJ: What is a Christian?

JG: Christian is a term used to describe a broad range of those who believe that Jesus Christ is the son of God. I think of myself at an Evangelical Christian and regularly attend a Pentecostal church.

JJ: When I think of Pentecostals, I think of speaking in tongues and snake handlers.
JG: No snakes, no tongues. I know we’re trying to be light, but that is insulting. Pentecostals believe they experience the power of the Holy Spirit at various times. I believe that also since I have experienced it first-hand. It’s not something that can be easily explained.

JJ: Do you believe in Heaven and Hell?
JG: I absolutely believe in Heaven and Hell. They’re just like what the Bible says they are.


JJ: Who were some of your White House journalist buds?

JG: Actually, Helen Thomas and I always got along well. I still see her from time to time. Even though we have vastly different points of view, we have great respect for each other.

JJ: Is their a journalistic hierarchy in the White House Press Corps?

JG: There is indeed a journalist hierarchy. I spend a bit of time talking about that in my book. There were no bloggers at the White House when I was there. They only got in after I left in February 2005.

JJ: Would you say you opened the doors for the new media and do you think it will soon be the media of choice?

JG: I am absolutely responsible for opening the doors to the press briefings for the New Media. I’m not sure when the New Media will replace the Old Media, but it will be sooner than later.

JJ: I want to mention some “old media” journalist and pop culture figures and get your opinion. Anderson Cooper.

JG: Being Gloria Vanderbilt’s son explains a lot.

JJ: Rita Cosby.

JG: Nice lady, too bad about having to go to MSNBC, it’s where news show hosts go to die.

JJ: Bill O’Reilly.

JG: Kicks Olbermann’s a**

JJ: Howard Stern.

JG: A media pioneer, but not my kind of humor.

JJ: Matt Lauer.

JG: Where in the world is Matt Lauer and why are we looking for him anyway?

JJ: Mary Hart.

JG: Is she still around?

JJ: Rev. Ted Haggerd.

JG: He says that he’s “a liar and a deceiver.” I probably can’t add much to that.

JJ: The Scissor Sisters.

JG: I have no idea who that is.

JJ: What is your beef with gay people?

JG: I have issues with liberals, which includes many gay people. I have found some liberal gays to be extremely intolerant of other points of view.

JJ: Are you intolerant of liberal points of view?

JG: Absolutely not. I enjoy competing in the marketplace of free ideas.

JJ: You do hang out with gay people don’t you?

JG: I haven’t done much hanging out in the past few years, gay or otherwise.

JJ: Could you ever fall in love with a Democrat?

JG: I’m sure I could fall in love with a Democrat as easily as a Republican. Some things transcend politics.

JJ: Do you think people perceive you as a gay man?

JG: I don’t know about most people, but those who know me best see me in a different light.

JJ: Do you think the gay community misunderstands you?

JG: I don’t think I can answer that question without a long and laborious explanation. I don’t think that I have been treated kindly or fairly by a certain portion of the gay community. Most of the rest don’t know what to make of me. On the occasions that I have had the opportunity to present myself to the community, I have gotten a positive response. For example, my appearance on a panel at the Equality Forum in May changed a lot of opinions about me.

JJ: Are you a sexual adventurer?

JG: Not really.
JJ: I saw some photos of you pissing that seemed a bit adventurous.

JG: I’m sure the pictures you saw didn’t have my face on them.

JJ: Then how would you describe yourself sexually?

JG: Human.

JJ: Human is good, and very legal.

JJ: Are you a manscaper?

JG: Not really. Perhaps a bit of pruning from time to time, but no clear-cutting.

JJ: Are you a Daddy?

JG: If that term describes masculine, mature and confident, that is accurate.

JJ: So what kind of guys does Daddy like?

JG: I judge each person on individual merits.

JJ: Why did you have all the nude photos of you removed from the Internet?

JG: First of all, I disagree with your premise. There is so much misinformation floating around cyberspace that I wouldn’t put too much stock in any of it.

JJ: Does it bother you that other people put stock in it?

JG: I have come to understand what being a public person means. I don’t let things I can’t do anything about bother me.

JJ: What are your thoughts on the Democrats midterm wins?

JG: Republicans lost control of Congress because they strayed from the core conservative values that put them into the majority in 1994. If they return to the basic values that a majority of Americans share, they will regain power. If not, they won’t. The Democrats now need to govern for all Americans as well as deliver for their core constituencies. It will be difficult for them to do both.

JJ: Do you think there was a cover up with Mark Foley?

JG: Not in the least. Foleygate was a well-timed political hit. The Democrats’ screeching about Republicans’ failure to protect underage boys from sexual predators was particularly ironic because it was being done at the same time they were paying tribute to the original page-bender, Gerry Studds.
JJ: Do you think the 17-year olds who were e-mailing him knew the score?

JG: That’s the impression I get since computer-savvy 17-year olds are probably quite sexualized.

JJ: What is it about Valerie Plame that rubs you the wrong way ?

JG: Valerie Plame is a third-rate analyst married to a proven liar. The two of them perpetrated a fraud on the American people with their nonsense about her “outing.” She wasn’t “outed” any more than I was. Washington, DC is a small town and it’s a company town.

JJ: Okay, now let’s play softball, are you a beer or cocktail man?

JG: I drink a lot of everything; beer while watching football. I have a taste for whiskey, but Jack Daniels and Ginger is about as fancy as it gets with me.

JJ: How many electrical outlets do you have in your house?

JG: Too few, since I have four power strips in my workspace.

JJ: Jeff, you are clearly trying to avoid this question. I repeat, how many electrical outlets do you have in your house?

JG: There are privacy considerations here. Have you no decency, sir?

The Scape-Boating of Michael “Brownie” Brown
Many of us of a boomerish age will remember a commercial for a brand of cereal in which the tagline was, “give it to Mikey, he’ll eat anything.
I remember thinking that could be any boy I knew, in so many ways.
Lil Mikey was a passive aggressive kind of guy, however, at the time we just thought of him as a follower with leadership qualities. Was he showing strength or weakness as he chowed down on the untested cereal?
Michael DeWayne Brown was Director of FEMA, when Hurricane Katrina hit the coast line like Laura Bush hitting a pedestrian. The man known as the current President, said that “Brownie was doing a heck of a job”. DANGER WILL ROBINSON…DANGER. As days progressed, we discovered that, as usual, no one in the White House knew what the fuck was going on. Instead of spending time and energy to focus on the emergency at hand, they focused on who they would pen the blame on. So it is fairly obvious that the Satan of Katrina became Mikey Brownie, because we all know “he’ll eat anything”.
I wanted to chat with the man we is responsible for the decline of western civilization as we know it. I found Mr. Brown to be bright, intelligent, far less bitter than he should be and with a great sense of humor. I wanted to face evil head on. Mano on Brownie so to speak.
Michael, it must be hard being Satan, and living in Colorado.
Satan? YOU'RE calling ME Satan? What's wrong with this picture?
My first question is, why did you decide to create this global warming that we have Mr. Bush has just became aware of?
What did you hope to gain out of it?
Well, when you're Satan, you try to do your best. But really, what global warming? Here in Colorado it's been a tough winter - more snow than usual and much colder temperatures than usual. I say "usual" but what does that mean? We've only been keeping records for a hundred years or so, and I think the weather has been around much longer than that. Even our "weatherproof" airport, Denver International, was closed for more than 40 hours during the Christmas season. Why is it that when it's warmer than usual in winter we call it global warming, but when it's colder than usual in winter, we don't call it global cooling?
While the Bush’s were training Saudi Arabian royalty, you were doing the same with Arabian Horses. What are the potential disasters that on might occur during the training of an Arabian hores?
Ah, see, Mr. Jett, even you have fallen prey to the inaccuracies of the mass media. I never trained Arabian horses. I was like a "commissioner of baseball or football" but instead for Arabian horse shows. My job was to investigate wrongdoing, prosecute those who violated the association's rules, provide educational programs for judges, stewards and other show officials. It involved a lot of legal work. As an attorney, it was a great opportunity to help a sport clean up its act. No, not cleaning up stalls, cleaning up its image and professionalism. So, having practiced law for almost twelve years, I took the Arabian job as a natural progressional of my legal work. I then became the FEMA general counsel. All lawyer positions, despite what the media likes to say.
When did you first decide to begin the devastation with Katrina? Also, why did you decide to sleep through the entire ordeal?
It was March, 2003. That was the month I warned then-Secretary of Homeland Security Tom Ridge that what his policies were doing to FEMA, and what the Administration was allowing to happen to FEMA, would ultimately result in FEMA's failure. I repeated that warning to Secretary Chertoff in early 2005, only to be ignored by him. Unfortunately, my prediction of FEMA's failure came true. I just had not planned on being around when it happened. I had made the decision to leave FEMA in the early summer of 2005 because I sincerely believed that what the Administration was doing in Homeland Security to FEMA would lead to its demise.

Actually, Chertoff is the one that made the fatal mistake in Katrina by ordering me to stay in my office in Baton Route, Louisiana, and to quit flying around the disaster zone, which covered approximately 90,000 square miles, because my being in the field, where the field commander belongs, was irritating him. I should have told Chertoff to, well, I should have told him in expletive terms to forget it, but I followed his order. My mistake. You cannot run a disaster the magnitude of Katrina from an office in Baton Rouge. It shows how naive Chertoff was or is about how to handle a disaster.

Somehow, Ray Nagin got a really nice Hollywood makeover, thanks to Katrina. I mean, pre Kat, he was nice looking and all, but now he looks like several million bucks. Why did you opt out of this process because, no offense, but in those post Kat photos of you, it was hard to find your face for the samsonites under your eyes?
Well, I don't know about the Mayor, but I had those samsonites because neither me nor my staff were sleeping, but working around-the-clock to try and make things work.
As you know, Anderson “Katrina” Cooper became the official spokes model for all that was wrong with New Orleans and you.
I thought we (the planet) made a good choice. He was on The Mole and the son of Gloria Vanderbilt. My question to you is, did you ever wear a pair of Gloria Vanderbilt jeans? And if so, did you think they made your ass look good?
They make Gloria Vanderbilt jeans? Gosh, I've never seen them in LL Bean when I've bought my other jeans.
Now, you have had to share part of the blame for Katrina, with members of the gay and lesbian community. Where were you guys holding your secret pre destruction meetings?
Ever heard of the "undisclosed location" Cheney goes to often?
This may be a bit controversial, but do you think gay men or gay women are better at creating catastrophes?
Am I on the Colbert Report again? You did see that show, didn't you? I'm an equal opportunity kind of guy - I think they're created equal.
Now I haven’t figured out, how you are responsible for this war, I suspect it has something to do with your relationship to Arabian whores. Can you tell us why you started this war and when you and the gays might decide to close her down?
Hello?
Can you share with our readers some insight as to what major world drama you have in store for us?
A book, of course. But this book will give all the details about the creation of the Department of Homeland Security, how it was messed up, and how today, even after billions of dollars and reorganization after reorganization, we're really no better off than we were before Homeland Security....and what we can do about it. I hope you'll read it.
What cereal do you eat most often and consider being your usual brand?
I prefer bite-sized shredded wheat with strawberries or raspberries and skim milk.

What was up with the rolled up sleeves? Whose thought was that and how was it discussed?
Well, you know how DC is....you either wear French cuff shirts with cufflinks or, like the President in Jackson Square after Katrina, you get photos taken with your sleeves rolled up because it makes you look like a person of the people. It is all such phony baloney. I had a staffer email me during Katrina saying, "roll up your sleeves, even the President's sleeves are rolled up." Such hogwash. My sleeves were the last thing on my mind during the disaster.

But watch television closely, and you'll see that what I'm saying is true!
Who are the buddies that you have that are still inside the beltway?
Oh, you'd be surprised! Some of them I can't name because I have to protect them from retaliation! Seriously, you'd be surprised at the number of people who still work in the Executive Office of the President, Homeland Security, FEMA, and, in particular, in Congress, that talk to me frequently. People know what happened and it hasn't effected our friendship or our professional relations.
What are the first things that come to mind when you think of the following pop culture icons?
Britney Spears
Vacuous
Bill O'Reilly
Smart, but chasing ratings too much.
Jane Hathaway (from The Beverly Hillbillies)
Every CEO's dream assistant.
Willie Nelson
Old fart that sings wonderfully and uses too much marijuana.
Jack E. Jett
Who?
Lynne Cheney
Pop culture? I don't think so. But, a very nice person.
Valerie Plame
Bloomberg Party. I spoke to Valerie and Joe during the Bloomberg Party after the White House correspondents' dinner last year. Sir Elton John
Tiny Dancer.
How recognizable are you in public?
Much more than I ever imagined. I've gotten accustomed to people approaching me now. They are very kind.
How have you dealt with the negative energy that was thrown your way directly after Katrina? Do you still get it?
My faith, family, and my very unique circle of friends has kept the negativity at bay. But, I still get irritated when I read some story that refers to me as "Michael Brown, the hapless former head of FEMA." Hapless? I hardly think so.
Do you feel that if the U.S didn't have it's head up the ass of Iraq, they would have, could have, responded quickly and adequately to disaters like Katrina?
No, the failures in Katrina had more to do with systemic problems in DHS, the marginalizing of FEMA, the ineffective leadership at the state and local level, than anything to do with Iraq. It had a lot to do with failing to pay attention to those of us who were screaming within the organization about how ineffective policies were going to cause FEMA to falter.

The rebuilding of New Orleans seems to be put on the back of the back burner, since you are not out of the picture, who are they blaming for that?
Amazing, isn't it. If you read the mainstream media accounts of me immediately following Katrina, one would assume that upon my departure, things would work wonderfully! But, they haven't. They haven't because, as I repeatedly warned the Administration, this country is not prepared for a catastrophic disaster. Katrina is proof of that. And, it goes to show that you can't always rely on the government to take care of everything. In fact, you should never rely on the government to take care of things. So, the politicians blame each other whoever they can find to point to.
How does one resurect his career after being scape goated by it's own government, especially one that has so many secrets?
Admit your mistakes. Tell the truth.

The Scape-Boating of Michael “Brownie” Brown
Many of us of a boomerish age will remember a commercial for a brand of cereal in which the tagline was, “give it to Mikey, he’ll eat anything.
I remember thinking that could be any boy I knew, in so many ways.
Lil Mikey was a passive aggressive kind of guy, however, at the time we just thought of him as a follower with leadership qualities. Was he showing strength or weakness as he chowed down on the untested cereal?
Michael DeWayne Brown was Director of FEMA, when Hurricane Katrina hit the coast line like Laura Bush hitting a pedestrian. The man known as the current President, said that “Brownie was doing a heck of a job”. DANGER WILL ROBINSON…DANGER. As days progressed, we discovered that, as usual, no one in the White House knew what the fuck was going on. Instead of spending time and energy to focus on the emergency at hand, they focused on who they would pen the blame on. So it is fairly obvious that the Satan of Katrina became Mikey Brownie, because we all know “he’ll eat anything”.
I wanted to chat with the man we is responsible for the decline of western civilization as we know it. I found Mr. Brown to be bright, intelligent, far less bitter than he should be and with a great sense of humor. I wanted to face evil head on. Mano on Brownie so to speak.
Michael, it must be hard being Satan, and living in Colorado.
Satan? YOU'RE calling ME Satan? What's wrong with this picture?
My first question is, why did you decide to create this global warming that we have Mr. Bush has just became aware of?
What did you hope to gain out of it?
Well, when you're Satan, you try to do your best. But really, what global warming? Here in Colorado it's been a tough winter - more snow than usual and much colder temperatures than usual. I say "usual" but what does that mean? We've only been keeping records for a hundred years or so, and I think the weather has been around much longer than that. Even our "weatherproof" airport, Denver International, was closed for more than 40 hours during the Christmas season. Why is it that when it's warmer than usual in winter we call it global warming, but when it's colder than usual in winter, we don't call it global cooling?
While the Bush’s were training Saudi Arabian royalty, you were doing the same with Arabian Horses. What are the potential disasters that on might occur during the training of an Arabian hores?
Ah, see, Mr. Jett, even you have fallen prey to the inaccuracies of the mass media. I never trained Arabian horses. I was like a "commissioner of baseball or football" but instead for Arabian horse shows. My job was to investigate wrongdoing, prosecute those who violated the association's rules, provide educational programs for judges, stewards and other show officials. It involved a lot of legal work. As an attorney, it was a great opportunity to help a sport clean up its act. No, not cleaning up stalls, cleaning up its image and professionalism. So, having practiced law for almost twelve years, I took the Arabian job as a natural progressional of my legal work. I then became the FEMA general counsel. All lawyer positions, despite what the media likes to say.
When did you first decide to begin the devastation with Katrina? Also, why did you decide to sleep through the entire ordeal?
It was March, 2003. That was the month I warned then-Secretary of Homeland Security Tom Ridge that what his policies were doing to FEMA, and what the Administration was allowing to happen to FEMA, would ultimately result in FEMA's failure. I repeated that warning to Secretary Chertoff in early 2005, only to be ignored by him. Unfortunately, my prediction of FEMA's failure came true. I just had not planned on being around when it happened. I had made the decision to leave FEMA in the early summer of 2005 because I sincerely believed that what the Administration was doing in Homeland Security to FEMA would lead to its demise.

Actually, Chertoff is the one that made the fatal mistake in Katrina by ordering me to stay in my office in Baton Route, Louisiana, and to quit flying around the disaster zone, which covered approximately 90,000 square miles, because my being in the field, where the field commander belongs, was irritating him. I should have told Chertoff to, well, I should have told him in expletive terms to forget it, but I followed his order. My mistake. You cannot run a disaster the magnitude of Katrina from an office in Baton Rouge. It shows how naive Chertoff was or is about how to handle a disaster.

Somehow, Ray Nagin got a really nice Hollywood makeover, thanks to Katrina. I mean, pre Kat, he was nice looking and all, but now he looks like several million bucks. Why did you opt out of this process because, no offense, but in those post Kat photos of you, it was hard to find your face for the samsonites under your eyes?
Well, I don't know about the Mayor, but I had those samsonites because neither me nor my staff were sleeping, but working around-the-clock to try and make things work.
As you know, Anderson “Katrina” Cooper became the official spokes model for all that was wrong with New Orleans and you.
I thought we (the planet) made a good choice. He was on The Mole and the son of Gloria Vanderbilt. My question to you is, did you ever wear a pair of Gloria Vanderbilt jeans? And if so, did you think they made your ass look good?
They make Gloria Vanderbilt jeans? Gosh, I've never seen them in LL Bean when I've bought my other jeans.
Now, you have had to share part of the blame for Katrina, with members of the gay and lesbian community. Where were you guys holding your secret pre destruction meetings?
Ever heard of the "undisclosed location" Cheney goes to often?
This may be a bit controversial, but do you think gay men or gay women are better at creating catastrophes?
Am I on the Colbert Report again? You did see that show, didn't you? I'm an equal opportunity kind of guy - I think they're created equal.
Now I haven’t figured out, how you are responsible for this war, I suspect it has something to do with your relationship to Arabian whores. Can you tell us why you started this war and when you and the gays might decide to close her down?
Hello?
Can you share with our readers some insight as to what major world drama you have in store for us?
A book, of course. But this book will give all the details about the creation of the Department of Homeland Security, how it was messed up, and how today, even after billions of dollars and reorganization after reorganization, we're really no better off than we were before Homeland Security....and what we can do about it. I hope you'll read it.
What cereal do you eat most often and consider being your usual brand?
I prefer bite-sized shredded wheat with strawberries or raspberries and skim milk.

What was up with the rolled up sleeves? Whose thought was that and how was it discussed?
Well, you know how DC is....you either wear French cuff shirts with cufflinks or, like the President in Jackson Square after Katrina, you get photos taken with your sleeves rolled up because it makes you look like a person of the people. It is all such phony baloney. I had a staffer email me during Katrina saying, "roll up your sleeves, even the President's sleeves are rolled up." Such hogwash. My sleeves were the last thing on my mind during the disaster.

But watch television closely, and you'll see that what I'm saying is true!
Who are the buddies that you have that are still inside the beltway?
Oh, you'd be surprised! Some of them I can't name because I have to protect them from retaliation! Seriously, you'd be surprised at the number of people who still work in the Executive Office of the President, Homeland Security, FEMA, and, in particular, in Congress, that talk to me frequently. People know what happened and it hasn't effected our friendship or our professional relations.
What are the first things that come to mind when you think of the following pop culture icons?
Britney Spears
Vacuous
Bill O'Reilly
Smart, but chasing ratings too much.
Jane Hathaway (from The Beverly Hillbillies)
Every CEO's dream assistant.
Willie Nelson
Old fart that sings wonderfully and uses too much marijuana.
Jack E. Jett
Who?
Lynne Cheney
Pop culture? I don't think so. But, a very nice person.
Valerie Plame
Bloomberg Party. I spoke to Valerie and Joe during the Bloomberg Party after the White House correspondents' dinner last year. Sir Elton John
Tiny Dancer.
How recognizable are you in public?
Much more than I ever imagined. I've gotten accustomed to people approaching me now. They are very kind.
How have you dealt with the negative energy that was thrown your way directly after Katrina? Do you still get it?
My faith, family, and my very unique circle of friends has kept the negativity at bay. But, I still get irritated when I read some story that refers to me as "Michael Brown, the hapless former head of FEMA." Hapless? I hardly think so.
Do you feel that if the U.S didn't have it's head up the ass of Iraq, they would have, could have, responded quickly and adequately to disaters like Katrina?
No, the failures in Katrina had more to do with systemic problems in DHS, the marginalizing of FEMA, the ineffective leadership at the state and local level, than anything to do with Iraq. It had a lot to do with failing to pay attention to those of us who were screaming within the organization about how ineffective policies were going to cause FEMA to falter.

The rebuilding of New Orleans seems to be put on the back of the back burner, since you are not out of the picture, who are they blaming for that?
Amazing, isn't it. If you read the mainstream media accounts of me immediately following Katrina, one would assume that upon my departure, things would work wonderfully! But, they haven't. They haven't because, as I repeatedly warned the Administration, this country is not prepared for a catastrophic disaster. Katrina is proof of that. And, it goes to show that you can't always rely on the government to take care of everything. In fact, you should never rely on the government to take care of things. So, the politicians blame each other whoever they can find to point to.
How does one resurect his career after being scape goated by it's own government, especially one that has so many secrets?
Admit your mistakes. Tell the truth.