YabbaDabbaHubbaDo.Com

The Perfect Face?

2008-03-11T06:00:00.003-05:00

Very busy getting ready for multiple shows, but here’s a shortie for you:

Two Beverly Hills plastic surgeons recently surveyed colleagues to find the most requested celebrity body parts, and the Star tabloid figured that if you combined them all, it should create the perfect face. To find out, they pieced together a photo of a woman with Katie Holmes' eyes, Katherine Heigl's nose, Keira Knightley's cheeks, Jessica Simpson's long blonde hair and Angelina Jolie's lips; and a photo of a young man with Daniel Craig's blue eyes, Leonardo DiCaprio's nose and Matt Damon's lips.

To be perfectly frank (or perfectly Frankenstein), the woman just looks to me like a lot of women who’ve had too much plastic surgery, and the result of stitching all those perfect young male parts together is a face that looks surprisingly like a young Jay Leno with a smaller chin. I guess this means Jay Leno is just one chin surgery away from perfection.

Ironically, if Jay Leno went to a Beverly Hills plastic surgeon, he’d probably come out looking exactly like a young Jay Leno with a smaller chin.

I suppose if a woman didn't want to have all that done to her face, she could just get Dolly Parton's breasts. Then she'd never have to worry about any man ever looking her in the face again.

AWW ... LITTLE ITTY BABY GAY PORN STARS

2008-03-07T17:52:00.003-06:00

Can you guess what these little dudes all have in common?

They all turned out to be filthy sluts --- er -- gay porn stars (Same diff, right?). As I compiled this collection of pictures for a contest on The Sword, the question that kept coming to my mind is "What makes someone decide to have sex in front of the camera?"

The stakes of doing porn are arguably much higher than they were in the past. Thanks to the internet, if you so much as send someone your cock shot, you can pretty much guarantee it's going to come back to haunt you if you ever end up on a reality TV show, are elected to public office or gain even a modicum of fame.

So why do people take the risk for a small amount of money (it's rare for a porn star to get paid more than $2k for a scene -- and what does that really get you? A flat-screen TV?) If you were smug medical blow-hard for hire Dr. Drew, you would insist they all were been sexually abused. He's wrong, I think.

I hate to generalize. I imagine people do porn for a variety of reasons. Sure, some are exhibitionists. Some merely want a record of what they looked like when they were at their physical prime. Others just like sex. For some, $2000 actually is a lot of money. Some don't really think it through or consider the potential repercussions (usually the young ones later complain about it).

One of the more surprising, counter-intuitive reasons people do porn is because they are insecure and seek validation. You might think someone only does porn when they hyper-secure but its actually the opposite. They think if they do a movie they'll be get the validation they need, but it usually just ends up making them more insecure. That makes them seek validation and do more movies, which in turn makes them more insecure. It could be worse: They could end up on Chelsea Lately.

See more babies and the horse-hung power-bottoms they grew up to be here.

2008-03-04T13:05:00.002-06:00

Evidently our Marines in Iraq have nothing better to do with their time that TO KILL INNOCENT PUPPIES! Yes we are spending our money wisely there. Better to spend it to let fucked up, redneck teens kill dogs, than to spend it on healthcare for the elderly or feeding the poor at home. You can see the video here http://abcnews.go.com/Video/playerIndex?id=4384059 but be aware, it is sad, graphic and is being taken down by the United States Marines quicker than you can say WMD's.

So now we are paying billions of dollars to destroy a Country that had nothing to do with September 11th, blown up the infrastructure, killed and raped innocent children and made heroes out of those that are part of the Abu Gehraib scandel.

IT IS FUCKING DISGUSTING.

I tried to call the Marines to find out the name of the soilder who threw this puppy off the side of a cliff. They will not give it out as they are protecting his identity. Evidently the Marines are so tough they can kill a puppy but then must hide behind the Marine corp so no one will call them a a name.

Here is the tough dude.

Guide Note: David Motari is rumored to be the name of of a United States soldier seen in a video throwing a puppy over a cliff. The video has not been confirmed as authentic and David Motari has not been confirmed as the man in the video, though the online community is steadily advancing this theory. Some critics think the puppy was either dead or stuffed, and the clip is a hoax. A fellow soldier in the video says "That was mean, Motari" after he releases the dog.
Fast Facts:
Age: 22 (birth date unknown)
Rank: Lance corporal
Unit: 1st Battalion, 3rd Marine Regiment
Until October: Stationed at Haqlaniyah, Iraq
Now based at: Marine Corps Base Hawaii at Kaneohe
Hometown: Seattle, WA
Due to leave Marine Corps in late 2008
Quotes:
"Don't have to follow nobodies footsteps, I'm makin my own, fully grown, and this life is my own." - from Motari's Bebo profile
“There is no way to know for sure if the puppy is real or not unless you are the one who produced it." - Charlie Powell, College of Veterinary Medicine, Washington State University

CHRIS MATTHEWS HAS A LARGE VAGINA

2008-02-28T15:02:00.004-06:00

I am a blatant news junkie. I consider myself the Amy Winehouse commenting on political blogs. From the local Dallas Observer to the Huffington Post, I can hardly let a day pass without putting in my two cents and more. Many right wing blogs will censor a poster right off the bat if you are in disagreement with them. Others will kick your ass off for using verbiage like “kick your ass off”. I love living in the world of the blogosphere. It is slightly more effective than talking back to the television. One difference between myself and most net rooters, as we prefer to be called, is that I use my real name have never hide behind a alterna-name.

The blogosphere up until recently has been divided into two huge camps that include the right wingers and the liberals. However, Barack Obama has thrown the proverbial monkey wrench into the world of left leaning blogs. They are divided between the “Clintonistas” and the “Obamamaniaca”.

If Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama were figure skaters, I would give her a 9.87 and him a 9.85. They are both awesome and each can skate circles around George Worthless
Bush and John McCain. I would be happy with either as President and ecstatic if they could work out a VP deal. My slight lean towards Clinton has and being so vocal about it has been the reason I have become a pariah in the progressive world of blogging.

In my house, the TV is always on and tuned to a CNN, MSNBC, CSPAN and even sometimes Fox. I became a self appointed media watchdog when I watched journalist become total wimps around George W. Bush and the lead up to the war in Iraq. I cringed as a journalist became more Jeff Gannon and less Helen Thomas. In my opinion, the mainstream media is just a culpable of leading us into a unnecessary war as Bush and Cheney.

A couple of months ago, I started noticing that the media was jumping on the Obama bandwagon. At first, I was thrilled to see that they were not allowing the right wing begin a Swift Boating process on Senator Obama. However, for every positive comment made about the Senator from Illinois, I noticed 3 or 4 negative comments about the former First Lady or in many cases, just Mrs. Clinton. Quickly it became what I perceived to be an all out media assault on anyone with the last name of Clinton.

From an objective point of view, it was interesting to watch the chattering class carefully spew their venom in selective verbiage and voice tone. Suddenly, as if a memo was sent around that it was open season on the Clintons, the media no longer even tried to disguise their disgust for this family.

I had always heard that the media and the Clintons have had a hate/hate relationship. One example is John Avarois from AmericaBlog talked of meeting with the “Clinton machine” to try and heal the rift between the two camps. Evidently, Mr. Avarois had lunch with Bill Clinton himself, yet a deal was never made. With no deal to be made, AmericaBlog turned full force against the Clintons and thus becoming pro Obama.

Chris Matthews, who I understand once was turned down for a position of Press Secretary for Bill Clinton makes no attempt to hide his contempt for Hillary, going so far as to suggest that the only way she became Senator is because people felt sorry for her for her because Bill Clinton had an affair. The bashing has now reached an epidemic level. If you don’t believe me, turn on one of the cable news outlet and within ten minutes you will see someone suggesting that Hillary should get out of the race, the amount of mistakes she has made, how she personally help lead the country into war, how she is groveling for votes, and her supporters are abandoning her left and right.

The minorities that she and her husband have supported in the past have left her for the new kid in town and find it necessary to trash her as they defect. Then Mrs. Clinton made the biggest mistake in her political career. She called the media elite on their shit.
Even though the facts backed up her complaints, you can’t win a war with those who own the all the ammunition. Everyone from Tucker Carlson, Wolf Blitzer, Lou Dobbs, John King, Dana Bash, and Tim Russert have gone out of their way to defend this as something that Hillary Clinton has created in her own head. Even the most extreme Obamamaniac must admit that, at the very least the coverage has been slanted.

I don’t enjoy watching the media bully some and give others a free ride. Mike Huckabee has made statements that are offensive to everyone, including women and the GLBTQ. He wants to Constitution to include parts of the Bible, yet due to his ability to deliver a one liner; the media has fallen all over itself to give him positive news coverage, just like they have done with George W. Bush. In addition, it goes without saying that the minute that Senator Barack Obama gets the nomination, the media will turn on him in a New York minute. Why? Because the mainstream media depends on the corporate tax breaks that are provided to them by a Republican owned and operated government.

So while it is cool to be a cheerleader, it is more important to be an advocate for all Democrats. The Clinton’s are not our enemy. Our enemy resides in the White House. It is possible to support and far more advantageous to support your Democratic candidate of choice without trashing the other.

Let us dream about a “dream ticket” that might include both of these qualified candidates to end the nightmare that we currently have.

Oscar Night: Time to Get Your Cleavage Botoxed!

2008-02-25T06:26:00.004-06:00

Ooohh, tonight is Oscar night! Of course, for me, the nominated films – for the most part, a depressing and bloody lot this year – must take a back seat to the annual Red Carpet parade of The World’s Most Beautiful People. The Perfect People. The Sexiest People. The Perpetually Youthful People. The People Who Are Supposesd To Make Us Run Out And Get Plastic Surgery To Look Like Them.

But in order to maintain that essential illusion, Hollywood actresses will each spend untold thousands on designer gowns, hair color and extensions, weeks of intensive personal workouts, radical “cleansing” diets, diamond-particle “signature” facials, fat injections, wrinkle fillers such as Radiesse, subtle “one-stitch” facelifts for 30-something actresses, “spot” lipo to smooth every molecule of bulge, foot surgery to help them stand in stilettos, dental bleaching, and even calming doses of anti-anxiety drugs. If the Hollywood economy lost billions of dollars during the writers stike, the money spent on looking beautiful for Oscar night should make up for it.

Jeez, if I had this much pressure on me to look fabulous, I’d probably be popping Xanax, too.

I haven’t even mentioned Botox yet. Goodness, movie stars photographed outdoors in the afternoon sun can’t look squinty, so virtually every one of them will be Botoxed on the forehead and between the eyes. Of course, some Hollywood stars will come close to mainlining Botox. A few will look very pointedly paralyzed. Botox is also injected into the armpits to keep stars from perspiring on the Red Carpet or while waiting nervously for that possible Academy Award. Finally (this is something I just learned about, in a more detailed article in the London Daily Mail), Botox is now used to RAISE THE CLEAVAGE and make breasts look more youthful. (With all the breast implants in Hollywood, I would hope the dermatologist would take extreme care using needles around breasts!) There’s even a special cleavage “facial” that’s essential for anyone wearing a low-cut dress.

Oh, and here’s a newly popular but squirrely idea: false eyelashes made of mink or squirrel fur! They cost thousands of dollars a pair, but if you take good care of them, they’ll last five to seven wearings. Madonna got some that were made of mink and diamonds.

If all this isn’t enough to make the actresses look drop-dead gorgeous, they’ll also be dripping with diamonds and other precious stones. Many will have every square inch of skin airbrushed the perfect glowy color. They’ll strut in Jimmy Choo shoes -- and if their feet don’t look perfect in them, there are anti-inflammatary injections. Also, did you know that celebrity makeup artists can charge several thousand dollars for creating just one Oscar-caliber makeup? Appointments are booked many months in advance.

Sometimes an actress can do all this and still be savaged by the snarky TV and tabloid critics. So I understand why stars want to look as lovely as possible. At the same time, we out here have to keep all their efforts in perspective. There is so much we can do to take care of ourselves and look like real, relaxed, healthy, beautiful women without obsessing about our looks the way narcissistic movie stars do. Really, who do you think would make the more interesting dinner companion – you, or a perfectly-manicured J-Lo in hair extensions and mink eyelashes?

Of course, it's possible the mink might be a better conversationalist than J-Lo.

New Prison Game - Don't Drop The Soap

2008-01-28T03:24:00.001-06:00

The phrase "Don't drop the soap" is not so new but there is a new board game by the same title. The Associated Press is reporting that the son, John Sebelius, of Kansas Governor Kathleen Sebelius has designed the game as part of a class project.

Gay news sites are reporting the game may come under fire from the GLBT Community. Personally I find it humorous as I'm sure it's intended to be. I've emailed John asking the question I'm sure we all want to know. What happens if you do drop the soap in the game (assuming it's possible to do so). I'll update this post if I get an answer.

The game sells for $34.99 plus S&H and be purchased at John's web site gilliusinc.com

[Update:] John Sebelius has given us the answer to our question. He says:

"A Player can drop the soap in the game. This just sends the player back to Central Booking, essentially the beginning."

Ahh... See, that's not so painful. Drop the soap and you get a fresh start. Kind of fitting, don't you think? Just pick up the soap and start over. In fact, that's what happens to most of us when we drop the soap. No harm done physically or metaphorically. Here's to wishing John the best success with his new game - Cheers!

Lika Starr

clipped from 365gay.com

The site describes "Don't Drop the
Soap" as a game "Where no one playing enters through the front
door!"

"Fight your way through 6 different exciting
locations in hopes of being granted parole," the site says. "Escape
prison riots in The Yard, slip glass into a mob boss' lasagna in the Cafeteria,
steal painkillers from the nurse's desk in the Infirmary, avoid being cornered
by the Aryans in the Shower Room, fight off Latin Kings in Gang War, and try not
to smoke your entire stash in The Hole."

The game includes five tokens representing a bag
of cocaine, a handgun and three characters: wheelchair-using 'Wheelz,"
muscle-flexing "Anferny" and business suit-clad "Sal 'the
Butcher.'"

Late to the Party, But I Promise to Stay Till Dawn

2008-01-23T07:33:00.001-06:00

Thank you, Jackie, for inviting me to be part of this blog, and I apologize for stumbling into the ball so late, dropping my glass slippers everywhere. But I have a good excuse: right after I was invited to participate, I fell and shattered a bone in my hand that required surgery (I now have a bionic left hand full of metal screws and plates that will make me a lot of fun to be behind in airport security lines - thank God I perform in elbow-length gloves), so my blogging and performing have been curtailed for several months. But I am finally back at it.

Before the fall, I'd been blogging (mostly) humorously for years on subjects related to age and beauty pressures: plastic surgery, Botox, fad diets, anti-aging nostrums, celebrity self-mutilation, etc., inspired by the issues in my satirical musical show, "My Ship Has Sailed" (I sang a Julie Andrews parody from it on Jack's show once, for those with satellite TV and long memories). I'd like to invite you all to check that out at Blogspot or my original site, and I promise I'll try to participate more as soon as I tighten down all the screws in my hand and typing once again becomes no more torturous than it used to be.

Oh, one bit of news: my husband Pat and his friend George "The Music Guru of Texas" Gimarc are writing a new edition of their cult book "Hollywood Hi-Fi," about obscure recordings by celebrities who tried to be singers. To promote it, Pat just launched a new website filled with book excerpts, audio clips and videos (including their own very funny video reviews) of such sparkling musical talents as Bette Davis, Robert Mitchum, Leonard Nimoy, even a teenage Glenn Close. If you think the current "American Idol" auditions are hilariously excruciating, check out www.hollywoodhifi.net.

-- Laura Ainsworth

The Official Gay Spokesperson of The World

2008-01-20T13:13:00.000-06:00

Please allow me to introduce myself.

I am THE OFFICIAL GAY SPOKESPERSON OF THE WORLD™

I was elected in 1980 by The Gaygendas, a Skull & Bone’s homosexual spin off.
I have worked undercover for years and have personally been responsible for most advancement made for the GLBTQ community. While many political groups exist that claim to represent our issues, they are in fact Communistic Televangelist who are not to be trusted.

As THE OFFICIAL GAY SPOKESPERSON OF THE WORLD™, I give of myself and ask nothing in return. The Gaygendas have created my reality. While much of my work has been conducted in the United Kingdom, Australia, and the Netherlands, I have also been part of the movement in North America. Now that this United States of America is in it last year of Televangelist Communistic rule, I will be part of the movement to select the new government to move forward the rights of most.

The Gaygendas represent all members of our community except for the wealthy. We feel they are represented enough. I refuse to speak for them, to them but will speak about them. While they wine and dine with your donations, I will verbally kick the ass of Jesus freaks, neo-cons, extreme right wingers, and the self loathing homosexual republican movement.

As a community, we have long lacked someone to speak for us officially and, in addition to being anointed by The Gaygendas, I called first dibs and therefore, logic should allow me to be that person.

While those in other countries have questioned my anonymity, they have respected my work. Consider me your Mother Teresa with a side of Fred Phelps.

Please look forward to my work.

THE OFFICIAL GAY SPOKESPERSON OF THE WORLD™

Queer Express - Your Presidential Vote On Looks

2008-01-14T20:00:00.001-06:00

Just for fun which Democrat candidate would get your vote based on looks alone - Hillary or Barack?

clipped from www.news.com.au

Queer eye for presidential guy

CAMP English comedian Julian Clary has cast his vote in the race for the Democrat presidential nomination in the U.S.

Predictably, perhaps, he isn't all that beguiled by female hopeful Hillary Clinton.

Not that he's saying anything about her policies – his comments are superficial, even in the "image is everything" world of American politics.

"Poor Hillary!" he said.

"However can she compete against someone as gorgeous as Barack Obama?

"It's like pitching Maggie Thatcher against Lewis Hamilton.

"The voting public are drawn to the perfect teeth and dusky hue. We can't help ourselves"

All Aboard the Huckaboob Train Wreck!

2007-12-29T19:41:00.000-06:00

There is something refreshing in the astonishing ignorance demonstrated by Mike Huckabee when the candidate talks about foreign affairs. It's just not something experienced everyday in the civilized world that we see one of the major party's presidential front runners more knowledgeable about the bible than anything recently published in Foreign Affairs magazine about Pakistan.

If this race continues the way it is, we will be entertained with many more such moments of hilarity. Mike Huckabee is the first candidate in a while who needs a team of aides to spread out after he speaks and tell the press what the candidate really meant when he stuck his foot so far into his mouth his nosehairs were tickling his kneecap:

Explaining statements he made suggesting that the instability in Pakistan should remind Americans to tighten security on the southern border of the United States, Mr. Huckabee said Friday that “we have more Pakistani illegals coming across our border than all other nationalities, except those immediately south of the border.”

Asked to justify the statement, he later cited a March 2006 article in The Denver Post reporting that from 2002 to 2005, Pakistanis were the most numerous non-Latin Americans caught entering the United States illegally. According to The Post, 660 Pakistanis were detained in that period.

A recent report from the Department of Homeland Security, however, concluded that, over all, illegal immigrants from the Philippines, India, Korea, China and Vietnam were all far more numerous than those from Pakistan.

In a separate interview on Friday on MSNBC, Mr. Huckabee, a Republican, said that the Pakistani government “does not have enough control of those eastern borders near Afghanistan to be able go after the terrorists.” Those borders are on the western side of Pakistan, not the eastern side.

Further, he offered an Orlando crowd his “apologies for what has happened in Pakistan.” His aides said later that he meant to say “sympathies.”

He also said he was worried about martial law “continuing” in Pakistan, although Mr. Musharraf lifted the state of emergency on Dec. 15. Mr. Huckabee later said that he was referring to a renewal of full martial law and said that some elements, including restrictions on judges and the news media, had continued.

Anyone who still thinks Mike Huckabee has what it takes to lead this nation as President in the extremely perilous days ahead after watching and listening to him flail about the last 48 hours needs a reality check.

That's not exactly what I wanted to say. I wanted to say that anyone who still supports Huckabee after his performance regarding the Bhutto assassination is an idiot, or should have their head examined, or should be disenfranchised, or should run off and start their own party. They could call it the "Idiotic, Superstitious, Religious Fanatic and Intellectual Twit Party."

I wanted to say all of that but I'm glad I didn't. People don't take you seriously if you go overboard in your criticism - even if those being criticized it deserve it.

The only question I have is will this indeed be a death blow to the Huckabee campaign? If it isn't and Huckabee still does well in Iowa, and is viable through Super Tuesday and beyond, I will weep for the ignorance of the rank and file in the Republican party. Let them have their preacher man. Let them revel in that old time religion. Let them dream of segregating gays and people with AIDS lest their kids be exposed to the deadly sins of modernity and tolerance. Let them stick their heads in the sand and pretend that a lack of basic knowledge of the world around us should not disqualify someone to be president during a time of war.

The left has been fond of saying that Huckabee's success is only what we conservatives deserve in courting and pandering to the religious right all these years. There is probably something to that criticism. After all, if Dennis Kucinich were a front runner on the Democratic side, we conservatives would be similarly gloating about chickens coming home to roost for the left.

But beyond such childish analysis is the very real and frightening prospect that Mike Huckabee, despite his demonstrated lack of expertise and knowledge about a vital part of the world where our enemies are making a supreme effort to win an important battle in the War on Terror, is still seen as presidential timber by perhaps a third or more of Republican regulars. I don't know if that will be enough to get him over the top and win the requisite number of delegates for a first ballot victory at the convention. But it almost certainly will make him a player in the party and will give him a big say in platform deliberations and perhaps even the choice for Vice President.

All because nothing the Huckster says or does that reveals him to be unqualified for the presidency seems to matter to his legions of supporters.

Holiday Cheer With Jackie Beat

2007-12-17T13:18:00.000-06:00

I watched this video over at my friend's blog, The Gay Guru. It's a great holiday treat so I thought I'd share it here for our blogger friends. Santa's Baby by Jakie Beat - Enjoy :D

Ron Paul Makes U.S. History - $6 Million In One Day Fundraiser

2007-12-17T02:10:00.001-06:00

This is an article I wrote and clipped on my site and wanted to share it here as well. I'm beginning to realize Ron Paul is someone I want to keep an eye on.

clipped from likastarr.com

Texas Congressman Ron Paul beat out the former one-day record held by John Kerry at $5.7 million in 2004. The Ron Paul presidential campaign raised over $6 million in a 24 hour period on Sunday, December 16, 2007.

The record breaking day consisted of nearly 60,000 people contributing to the campaign. Almost 25,000 of these Paulites were first-time donors. Over 118,000 people have contributed to the Ron Paul Campaign during the 2007 4th quarter.

The fundraiser coincided with the 234th anniversary of the Boston Tea Party, symbolizing the start of the American Revolution.

On Saturday, prior to the fundraiser Congressman Paul had this to say: “How thrilling too are all the great Independent efforts in this cause, involving so many tens of thousands of patriots. Of course, since they are Independent, the election laws to do not allow me to coordinate with them in any way. But I will mention that this Sunday, I am really going to enjoy my tea at a party!”

How Fucked Up Is This Familly?

2007-12-16T21:05:00.000-06:00

Huckleberry’s HIV Island

When 16 -year old Mike Huckleberry a.k.a. Huckabee first joined the world of non-secular show business, he astonished his audience a.k.a. congregation by turning a gallon of water into a gallon of wine a.k.a. red water. Never mind that this is a lesson he picked up in chemistry class, the goal was to “razzle-dazzle them, and they’ll make you a star”.

Preacher Huck has taken his act on the road and the reviews have been flawless as he delivers one liners night after night. Recently his line about “Jesus was too smart to ever run for President” had a republican audience and political pundits laughing hysterically as if they had just seen the second coming of Rodney Dangerfield.

The mainstream and liberal press has been fawning all over the Preacher man for months. We all love it when fat people get thin, i.e. Star Jones, Oprah Winfrey, Carnie Wilson, and Oprah Winfrey again. He is the affable sort of evangelical, the kind you would like to sit down and have a cold near-beer with. However, let’s call a spade a spade. He was a fat bastard who ate everything insight and through prayer, got thin. His weight loss was dramatic; I applaud anyone who has the tenacity to loose that much weight as well as those who are wealthy enough to pay for the surgery.

In 1990 Ronald Reagan apologized for his “neglect of the epidemic” while he was President. This is the man who all Republican candidates want to model themselves after. Someone who sat idly by and watched thousands die because he was too homophobic to do anything about it. His death was celebrated by a 24/7, two-week funereal that made me nauseous to watch.

Even the father of the current president signed an American with Disabilities Act in 1990, protecting those with HIV from discrimination. On November 7, 1991, Magic Johnson announces he is HIV positive and the planet goes into a tailspin because if it has entered the world of sports then certainly the end of the world must be near. Thus in 1991 a Roper poll concluded that most Americans did not think enough was being done to fight AIDS and that more education was needed.

In 1992, somewhere between his chicken fried steak and cream gravy, Huckabee wrote “If the federal government is truly serious about doing something about the AIDS virus, we need to take steps that would isolate the carriers of this plague.” He added “Homosexuality is an aberrant, unnatural and sinful lifestyle and we know it can pose a dangerous public heath risk.” Hello, preacher man, can I hear gluttony in the house, you hypocritical homophobic fat fuck?

What could his plan have been? Was he going to send us to Guantanamo Bay? Were we going to get all of our taxes that we had paid into this country back? If he was so close to Jesus that he validated his parking, then why didn’t he just ask Jesus to heal those with HIV?

The reason it doesn’t make sense is because it is moronic. Just like the fact that he now wants all undocumented workers to pay a fine, and then be shipped home, then return at a later date with processed paper work. An illogical premise that makes Lou Dobbs look brilliant, or using taxpayer money to fund a marathon funeral for Reagan who allowed thousands of people with AIDS die without uttering the word.

Sometimes it is hard to find rationality in evangelical hypocrisy and Mr. Huckabee is no exception. Today, while he refuses to reacnt or retract his position on isolating those with HIV, he is skirting around a decision he made to release a convicted rapist, Wayne DuMond from prison. It seems that since Mr. DuMond had found Jesus in prison (seems to hang there a lot), Mr Huckabee convinced the parole board to set him free. No isolation or guarantene for this serial rapist. Set free by the isolationist, he went on to rape and suffocate 39 year old Carol Sue Shields. It seems that one must have a warped sense of morality to release a criminal, yet isolate the sick.

Given a chance on Sunday by none other than Fox News to recant some of his comments made in 1992, the Huckster refused to back down or budge. He sited, as a reason the well know case of Kimberly Bergalis, who had supposedly contracted the HIV virus from her dentist. Even though by this time, it was well documented that HIV was not airbourne and the Bergalis urban legend was debunked when we found that she wasn’t the “virgin” she painted herself out to be as she had been diagnosed with genital warts and STD’s.

Today, Mr Huckabee claims that his administration “will be the first to have an overarching strategy for dealing with HIV and AIDS” and for a man who seems to be one gene pool away from Fred Phelps, this frightens me. Personally, I find the venom in his verbiage is poison and offensive to the memory of our friends that are no longer here to call him out on it. I think I can speak for them when I say that Mike Huckabee might have lost weight but he is still a pig.

2007-12-16T20:59:00.000-06:00

Understanding Jeremy

Several of you may recall the heart wrenching photos of Jeremy on Queerty a few weeks ago. He is suffering from anorexia and was the subject of an article in City Pages entitled Boy Interrupted. As with many of you, I was really taken with the story and wanted to follow up. I admit that I have always been very ignorant when it comes to eating disorders. Food is something that most people I know eat too much of, complain about their weight and never do anything about it. To me, those with Anorexia or Bulimia just need to eat, plain and simple, eat and eat a lot. Vomiting is one of the most vile things that most people think of doing. This is the reason I never ride the spinning tea cups at the state fair, or look at photos of Barbara Bush on a full stomach.

I followed up with Jeremy after the posting on Queerty. I was starting a website that would journal people as they went through various struggles in their life and I wanted to include him. He was thrilled and looking forward to it. He really seemed to be on the right track and was talking of becoming a public speaker and shares his unique story.
One afternoon, I got the following two messages on my voice mail. He had been picked up and taken to a hospital against his will.

“Everyday since I have been here has been miserable and I don’t care if I live or die. I feel like I have so much more to give the world and I don’t know how I can do it. My aunt’s boyfriend, who is not even related to me called and had me placed in here. I don’t even know if it is illegal.”

“Hello Jack, This Jeremy calling again, and I don’t really care if I live or die, and I don’t want you to tell any of the nurses as they will put more restrictions on me. I wonder if there is anyway you could help me. I just need some relief from the pain and suffering I am going through. Most of it has to do with the amount of food that I have to eat.. Please call me when you can.”

I started placing calls to the hospital. He was rarely available and if so, there was always someone at his side. He would speak a bit and then have to go. The hospital workers seemed very kind and I never felt as if they were trying to keep me from speaking with him. He was distraught about being taken out of his home, and understandably so. However, the more we spoke, the more it became apparent that the city of Minneapolis had done the right thing and in fact, most likely saved his life.

I have interviewed several hundred people in my day, but no one as open and honest as Jeremy. While his story is heartbreaking, I feel certain that he is going to pull through this as this is going to be his mission. The misunderstood have the most to offer.
Below is my conversation with the man who has become the face of manorexia.

The entire interview was conducted with a 24/7 nurse next to him whose sole purpose was to not allow him to purge during the interview.

JJ…The city authorities came to your home unannounced and placed you in this hospital without your permission?

Yes, I live in a condo and the concierge phoned me to ask me to come down and said if I didn’t come to the lobby they would bring the police. I told them I had planned on coming into treatment anyway. One of the social workers said she had to call her daughter and was really calling the police. The police brought me to the hospital. I wasn’t ready to go. I explained to them that I had a backpack and that I needed to turn some stuff off. My plan was really to go jump off my balcony on the 13th floor, but I backed down.

JJ..Then there was some sort of trial as you said that you didn’t want to be there?

There were two trials. The first thing they did was put me on a medical hold because I was so unstable, then they took me to ICU and put me on a 72 hour medical hold. On the 21st of November I had preliminary trial which was just to determine, and then on they 28th they issued a stay of commitment, which is sort of like a probation, like if I don’t do well here in the hospital they will commit me to a state hospital.

JJ Since you have been there have you been doing everything they ask you to do?

No, I haven’t been finishing my meals or taking my replacements, which is a liquid nutrient, and I have purged when I’m not suppose to in my room and hid it in cups and bags and now someone has to be with me in my room all the time because of that which makes matters worse for me. I have been very suicidal and depressed since I’ve been here. I think the way I was brought here was very disturbing for me.

JJ..Since you were going to be checking yourself in anyway, can you get past the issue of the way your came there and accept that you are in place that you need to be.

I go back and forth on that. If I am not able to fulfill this commitment then I will be forced to go to a state hospital which is very unpleasant. I was in one 20 years ago.
If there is a good side to that is that those programs at the state hospital facilities are not as strict, so I would be able to engage in the behavior that brings me so much comfort.
So I alternate between thinking I am here and I might as well adapt and if I go to a state hospital, it wll not be as astringent.

JJ…Have the Doctors told you that you will die if you don’t improve?

Yeah, and like I said, I feel almost dead…

JJ.. Are you not wanting to eat or not hungry?

Eating and food have nothing to do with it. It is what brings me comfort and helps me deal with life stresses over the years is the eating and purging. I want to eat, but the purging gives me such a sense of relief, it is like doing cocaine or other drugs and then it become so habitual after a while. It becomes a hard addiction to stop.. I have been doing it for 18 hours a day.

JJ….I understand how coke and X can give you a buzz but….

Yes, that’s it….Throwing up, for me, gives me a buzz. It gives me the same sort of buzz and they have done research on these things and found that it releases the same sorts of dopamine and things like cocaine.

JJ…So, your body is wired so that you cop some sort of buzz from purging in the same way someone else might cop one from weed or blow?

Right, and relieves anxiety for me.

JJ..So you have goals in life, to travel to write a book, and it is clear you have a story to tell that will help a lot of people, doesn’t that give you an incentive to get better?

I have always had goals, it is just that I don’t think I can achieve them, or I have a fear of success. I think that if I had a clear purpose, I don’t think I would be having such a problem with this eating disorder..

Have you made friends there

Yes, but I am kind of a loner in that I don’t participate in the activites or group sessions like I should because I always feel like I am on the verge of a breakdown. I don’t want people thinking I am a baby so I don’t say anything.

JJ….Are there other men there?

There are now.

JJ…Are they gay?

No I don’t think so and that sort of debunks my theory about how this primarily hits men that are gay.

JJ Have you meet other gay men with eating disorders?

Yes, after the article came out, several emailed me, but I never met them in person.

JJ What is the primary age range of the people that are there with you?

I would say 14 to 40.

JJ…I would doubt you would have a lot in common with a 14 year old girl?

Exactly,

JJ..Does anyone there have a problem with your sexuality?

(At this point, Jeremy check with his nurse to ask this question, and she says it is not an issue as people don’t know)

If I start to feel too sorry for myself or that I feel I am not being treated well, I will kind on think in my head that it might be that but I have no proof of that.

JJ What positive things are happening to you since you have been there?

Let’s see, my nursing assistant said that I looked better but I interpreted that to mean I look fat so it was a bit of a downer for me when most people would think it was a compliment. So as far as that goes, I am healthier than when I came in.

JJ…When you look in the mirror, what do you see?

I see myself as being really puffy, like I don’t need to be here medically anymore, but I have not gained enough weight to be discharged.

JJ … Do you see you self as thin?

No, not at all. The ironic thing is that I did before I came in. Now, here they will not tell us our weight.

JJ…When you saw the photos in the paper, you agreed that those looked thin?

Yes, I could tell from that but when I look in the mirror now, I don’t think I look think and I don’t think I need to be here.

JJ…Does it effect your sex drive?

Yes, I haven’t had one in at least a year.

JJ…What are the doctors doing there to help you?

They see us every morning and give us a quick physical, the psychiatrist gives us medication.

JJ ..What medication?

Well right now they can only give me small doses of Ativan to help me deal with my anxiety. Until I put on more weight, they can not put me on anything stronger
The dieticians are really more involved than anyone else because the reality is that food is your medicine.

JJ…You had mentioned to me before that you can purge without sticking fingers down your throat; in fact, you can do it by just bending over. So how does the staff keep you from bending over?

They just make certain that someone is with me all the time after I eat. Sometime I do it in front of them because it gives me such relief.

JJ…So purging is sort of your drug of choice.

Yes, that is why I get so angry at the staff, because they are taking away the thing that gives me such relief and comfort and I just want to be able to go home and do that again.
When they don’t let me purge, I feel like they are against me.

JJ…..In your mind, do you wish that you could just cut down gradually instead of stopping cold turkey?

Yes, yes yes, but how would they ever let you do that. I can understand how and why they wouldn’t let you do that.

JJ…So this, in a way is your detox

That is exactly what it is compounded by the fact that I have had this problem for so many years.

JJ… Do you think that like with detoxing, in a week or two your body will start to adjust itself to not purging?

Yes, but I haven’t gone a week yet without purging, because even though I am being watched, I have done it in secret and hid it in cups and bags. I don’t think I have given my body or self time to go through a detox.

JJ…So we have seen the photos of hunky Jeremy, and we can agree that gay men have a bit of an ego when it comes to our body. Does your ego play a role in any of this?

I think part of my problem was that when I got involved in the gay community, they seemed so hard on other gay men……even men with what I would consider perfect bodies. I don’t want to talk myself into getting better so I can look like I did in the hunky photos again, I think the goal should be more for my health.

Do you consider yourself a recluse?

Yes and even more so when the eating disorder happened. I would only go out to go to the store to purchase things to binge and purge on. I would not go downstairs to get mail.

JJ.. Do you think this might be a form of self homophobia

Yeah, a little bit, I am not totally comfortable being gay.

JJ…Is your family accepting?

Well, they are in a bit of denial, or well it is just not talked about.

At this point the nurse was asking that the conversation be brought to a close. It is my understanding that Jeremy will be at this hospital another 5 months providing things go well. Otherwise he will be moved to a state hospital. He is not allowed to look at the internet and ask that I send any comments his way by fax. I thought it might be cool to send some holiday cards his way to the hospital. If you guys/gals are up for it, I will post the hospital information or find out the best way to do it. We all know that we can be a bit on the catty/bitchy side from time to time but if the AIDS pandemic has taught us anything, it is that the LGBTQ community takes care of our on.

No Joy in Mudville

2007-12-13T16:22:00.000-06:00

Baseball has been played in the United States in one form or another since at least colonial times. Imported from England, the game of "Rounders" featured a ball and a bat along with something approximating bases. Rules and scoring were much different than today's game. however.

A purely American offshoot of Rounders was "One ole Cat" or just "Cat." Again, the essentials were similar but it was nothing we'd recognize as baseball.

Then along came "Town Ball" in the 1840's - a thoroughly American game where in order to get the batter "out," the fielder would have to hit the player while he was in motion and off the base. Since the game was usually played with rocks of various sizes, you can see the enormous amount of fun players had in recording outs.

Then in 1845, Alexander Cartwright wrote out 20 specific rules for what he called Base Ball that standardized base distances and made up something we would almost recognize as today's game.

It wasn't until the 1857 when New Yorkers took the game of Base Ball and altered the rules a bit (no need to hit the runner anymore) and thus gave us the national pastime. It had a set number of players on each side with an infield and bases that looked similar to what we have today. They made the game 9 innings and established the idea of "strikes" - balls thrown by the pitcher that were good enough to hit but the player refused to swing.

Cultural historians have studied the evolution of baseball because it says a lot about we as a people. A wholly democratic game, its popularity exploded during the Civil War when bored soldiers on both sides eagerly adopted it as a fine way to take one's mind off of army life. The soldiers returned home eager to set up leagues and teams in their own towns and the game's enduring popularity was assured.

But ever since 1869 when the first professional team laced up the cleats, there has never been a day in the history of baseball like this one. Today, some of baseball's all time greats who performed feats of strength and skill almost beyond belief are revealed as cheaters, liars, and druggies - Frankenstein monsters who took the easy way to glory by hepping themselves up with performance enhancing substances.

Today is the day that former Senator George Mitchell releases his long awaited report on the use of performance enhancing drugs in baseball. And the game will suffer a huge black eye it will be many years recovering.

Today, I feel like the little kid who, standing at the bottom of the courthouse steps in Chicago after the infamous "Black Sox scandal" trial, tugged on Shoeless Joe Jackson's coat and looked his hero right in the eye asking, pleading "Say it ain't so, Joe." No answer from Jackson that day. Nor do I suspect we'll hear anything except the canned, PR flak written statements from some of the greatest ballplayers who ever lived. They will apologize for their "mistake." They will cry when they apologize to their families. They will beg forgiveness from the fans. They will apologize to their teammates for "letting them down." They will thank the organization for sticking with them. They will promise to be better citizens. They will ask God for help.

It will be like Michael Vick - excuse the expression - on steroids.

We already knew about Barry Bonds and his drug regimen. And everybody figured the former single season home run record holder Mark McGuire had bulked up on "Andro" and other illegal supplements.

But the biggest shock to me was the naming of the greatest right handed pitcher perhaps to ever play the game. Roger Clemens seemed ageless and now we know why. He evidently didn't start taking steroids until the 1997 season which makes sense; he had a God given ability to throw a fastball 100 mph. Why anyone blessed with the best right arm of his generation would take steroids will remain a mystery to me.

Then there's one of the game's good guys. Andy Pettite was a fine left handed pitcher but took human growth hormone to recover from injury faster. One of the acknowledged gentlemen of the game, Pettite's brilliant record with the Yankees will now be tarnished forever.

All-star Miguel Tejada - traded today from Baltimore to Houston - also proved to be a cheat. Another ballplayer with great natural ability too lazy to do the hard work necessary to make himself a better player and instead, took the shortcut to fame and riches by juicing up.

Gary Sheffield whose best years were with the Marlins and Braves and was an All-Star with the Yankees for three straight seasons showed up on the list. One of the great clutch hitters of this generation, Sheffield was another surprise for me.

Jason Giambi, the only player named in the report to own up to his steroid use publicly was on the list. It is not known whether he named any names when he met with Mitchell last year.

Eric Gagne was named. With the Dodgers, he was damn near unhittable as a closer for a year and a half. Hitters couldn't solve his slider but Mitchell did.

The list of active players continued with names like Toronto's excellent hitter Troy Glaus, talented outfielder Jose Guillen, former pitcher now outfielder for St. Louis Steve Ankiel, And Gary Matthews, Jr. Mitchell's list contains 50 names of present and former Major Leaguers.

Among the former players of note; Mo Vaughn - a great slugger, Rafael Palmeiro - Hall of Fame numbers, Chuck Knoblauch and Lenny Dykstra - hard nosed sparkplugs, sweet swinging David Justice, and catcher Benito Santiago - a man with the best arm in baseball for many years.

When I was a young boy, my friends and I lived, breathed, slept, and ate baseball. We played it constantly from the time the snow melted until the time it covered the ground again. We collected baseball cards. We argued about it. We defended our favorites. We got into fights over who had the best throwing arm or the best curveball.

I know the days when kids immersed themselves like that in the game are gone - a product of over saturation of the game on TV as well as a cynicism about the multi-millionaire players that is foreign to me. Perhaps we were too eager to believe in the infallibility of our heroes. Perhaps we lived in a different age that saw baseball and through the game, America, as virgin pure - unsullied by any of the dark and dirty forces that other aspects of life were subject to.

Scandals took place out of the sports pages back in those days. We had no reason to believe that many of the giants of the game actually had feet of clay, that they were as imperfect and flawed as any adult we came in contact with. To us, ballplayers were almost like Gods and we were only too happy to worship them.

Non-baseball fans will forgive me if I feel enormously saddened today. Not on the verge of tears but rather an empty feeling inside as if my guts had been hollowed out with a spoon. Perhaps that little boy in me feels finally and bitterly betrayed by those I still admired for their athleticism and grace.

That's gone now. And I know I'll be a poorer man for it.

My Lesbian Girlfriend, The Rock Star

2007-12-12T08:22:00.001-06:00

"Watching Melissa Reaves perform is the second greatest out-of-body experience I've ever had," said the manager of The Bitter End, New York's longest-running rock club.

"How long have you been the manager?" I asked.

"Thirty-four years," he answered. Wow. I let my imagination fill in the blank about his greatest out-of-body experience but by the end of the night, I understood what he meant. Watching Melissa on stage was a transcendental event.

What made it even more special for me was the fact that she used to be my girlfriend, sort of. Way back in junior high school. I feel like Melissa and I are twins separated at birth because our lives have been oddly similar, even though we lost touch for about twenty-five years. We attended Tabernacle Kindergarten, transferring to Bob Jones Elementary School in the first grade. We were both expelled from Bob Jones, although Melissa beat me to the punch. She was "shipped" from the Academy and I from the University.

Read the rest and see a short video clip of Melissa performing at RichMerritt.com

OUR SECRETS KEEP US SICK

2007-12-07T13:32:00.000-06:00

The old saying in the subject line is how I begin my memoir, Secrets of a Gay Marine Porn Star. How true!

According to this article in the Military Times, an HIV+ Catholic chaplain was sentenced to prison time for sex offenses. It's a double whammy for this guy - after a lifetime of keeping who he is a secret from both his church and his government, no wonder he engaged in such predatory behavior. Now he's going to jail.

It's a modern American tragedy all around - he violated his rank and position of trust as a clergyman and an officer; obviously someone loved him (he seems to have a partner) who is undoubtedly crushed by this; gay men and HIV positive people are further stigmatized, and someone who was in a position to be a gay role model (albeit a closeted one) turned out to be the opposite.

Read the article and the rest of my take on it here...

Jeremy's Decline

2007-12-04T12:31:00.000-06:00

Manorexia Out of Control

Many of you will remember meeting Jeremy, here on Queerty last month. City Pages in Minneapolis had covered the story of this 36 year old man who suffers from Anorexia. The reference was made to him having Manorexia, a term coined for males who suffer from this disease. Jeremy has been binging and purging, on and off, since he was 14.
The story is heartbreaking and the photos defy description. For a brief period of time after turning 21 and coming out, he experience some peace and happiness and became somewhat of an amateur body builder. This respite was brief and he soon found himself in the vicious cycle of binging a purging which lead to a rapid spiraling downfall. He became so thin that his body started growing hair to warm itself.

The story captured my heartstrings and curiosity. I reached out to Jeremy and asked him to be part of a new blog that I was starting up. As much as I have read on the subject of Anorexia, I have never understood it. I think it is a topic that is hard for many of us to get our head around, and as usual tend to make fun of what we don’t understand. My plan was for Jeremy to educate us and perhaps we, in turn could support him by giving him a much needed dose of confidence.

Last week, I got an email from Jeremy that he was in the hospital and wanted me to phone him. It took several attempts to reach him and when I finally got him on the phone he sounded like a very desperate man at the end of his ropes. He informed me that someone had turned him into the state health department after reading the article in City Pages and they came directly to his house and removed him, placed him in a hospital until some sort of hearing could be held. The result of the hearing was that the State could keep him for six months without his consent. He said this move has made him even more anxiety ridden and suicidal. Directly after talking about being suicidal, he was asked to get off the phone. Evidently they want to limit his conversations with people outside the system. When asked about his support team, he said that his Mom, being an alcoholic, wasn’t able to visit, and that he distrusted the rest of his friends. When I asked him about the mistrust of his friends, he had no rational explanation other than to say, he needed stuff from his apartment and was afraid to ask anyone to go to his place for fear of them stealing.

When asked what they were doing for him, he said that they gave him some mild anxiety pills like Ativan, but until he gained several more pounds, they could not give him the much needed medication that he needs. I told him to hang in there and that guy and gals at Queerty were cheering for him. I told him I would call in a few days to follow up.
The saddest part is that he feels like a looser for being there, which has added to his self depreciation. I wish he could see how brave he is to face this demon head on.

HAD IT WITH HUCKABEE!!!!

2007-12-04T10:48:00.000-06:00

I'm watching Anderson Cooper 360 and have heard AC and others refer to former Arkansas Governor Mike Huckabee as "authentic." P-L-E-A-S-E!!! At the last debate, when the Huckster said, "Jesus was too smart to ever run for political office," I cringed so bad I need botox to straighten out the wrinkles. Besides the obvious flaws in logic (Jesus lived during the time of the Roman Empire, which was an autocratic dictatorship that allowed its far-flung conquered nations to exercise only a moderate amount of quasi-self-rule, but in Judah's case, that was under a King named Herrod (Harod?)), SO HUCK, JESUS DIDN'T LIVE IN A DEMOCRACYAND COULDN'T RUN FOR OFFICE EVEN IF HE'D WANTED TO. Also, you don't have to run for political office to have an opinion on the death penalty, as Governor Huckabee's SLICK answer / non-answer implies.
The audience of republicans went wild and please click here to read the rest...

2007-12-04T09:53:00.000-06:00

By Janette Barber

My father just downgraded from horrible to nearly unbearable. He’s demented. He was living in a dementia unit of a privately run assisted living facility but got an infection that led to dehydration that caused a hospital stay from which he hasn’t really recovered -which means that now he’s in a nursing home.

The place where he was living before the hospital stay was wonderful to the extent that a dementia wing in an assisted living facility possibly could be. It didn’t look like a hospital. He had his own room. It was pretty, with three different big sitting rooms with TVs. It wasn’t crowded - only 28 residents as they call them. About two months before this hospital stay, they told my sister (who is beyond being a saint and my father’s caretaker and advocate) that he had reached their 4^th and final level of care. That meant the next time he “stepped down” he’d have to go.

That’s what they call it when you go like this. Step downs. Things go along for a while and then something happens and everything gets worse and then okay for a bit and then worse again over and over until the end. Something like a urinary tract infection in an old demented person is absolutely devastating. So this hospital stay resulted in a step down for my father. (Actually it would have caused a step down in a healthy 25 year old. It was a crash course in everything that is wrong with the medical system. I’ve instructed my boyfriend to kill me rather than put me in a hospital. It’s just quicker.) The last time I saw my father at his old place about two months ago, he was having a significantly difficult time remembering how to sit. Now all he does is sit in a wheel chair parked in a hallway in front of the nurse’s station. He has a magnetic alarm attached to his shirt that goes off if he tries to get up. They have to do that. He is now a fall risk. A fall means a broken hip which means pain.

Standing around in hospitals or nursing homes I’ve noticed that one often encounters other people who also have old, demented parents. Within two minutes of conversation, inevitably, one of you will start strategizing about how to not end up in the same situation. I always say, cleverly, that my goal is to kill myself before I forget that I want to.

The other reality you have to confront when you go to nursing home is the cost. It’s astounding. This is a very large facility that costs between $10,000 and $11,000 per month. There are 50 people on his floor. That’s $500,000 per month and $6,000,000 per year…just to house 50 old people. And the facility has multiple floors with lots more old people so that without question Medicaid under Title 19 is paying out - just to this location - tens of millions of dollars per year. With Boomers facing their golden years, old age is becoming a cash cow.

There is a man in the other bed in my father’s room. As far as I can tell, he hasn’t moved since my father moved in. He hasn’t even closed his mouth. I don’t know why we have to let it go that far. The way I see it, I would never let my cat go through this. I would do everything I could for my cat as long as there was any quality of life left but at some point when no recovery is possible, I would take my cat and have his suffering ended. I wish I could do that for my father. But of course I can’t unless I want Kevorkian’s old cell.

On the other hand, maybe I’m glad I don’t have to make that decision. Who knows what life is really like for demented people? Is dying really what he would want or is it what I want for him? Or is it actually what I want for me? To have his incredibly slow and painful march brought to a painless end. Who am I to say that should happen for him? My father was always terrified to die. Now he will never have to face it. Maybe I should just trust that whatever happens is what is supposed to happen. (The really sad thing is that now I’m waffling on whether I could even do it for the cat. How do I know when the “when” is right?)

I do suspect I’m having a little trouble dealing with the horror. For example, the day before Thanksgiving I took the train to my sister’s. We went to visit my father. He had no idea who I was. Mostly he slept with his mouth open. We tried giving him a ride in his wheel chair but we couldn’t find the foot things. Then we left and went shopping to get our minds off it. I bought a white linen tunic, a black linen tunic, Flax rust linen pants and Flax blue linen pants. I bought some brown hemp pants and a gorgeous black skirt. I bought an antique washboard and a holder for kitchen matches. I found a lovely brand new 50’s crocodile clutch, a Christmas garland made of sparkly fruit, four cookbooks, some linen napkins. I bought some Fisher Price Fish Maracas and a Storybook Rhyming thing for a baby I know. I bought some peppermint tea and some ginger tea, a covered ornate casserole dish and an antique curling iron. Then we went home.

We spent Thanksgiving Day with him in the bin. It took us about 40 minutes to wake him up and a lot longer than that to get him to track a finger. He didn’t know it was Thanksgiving. He didn’t know it was me except for just a flash at the very end. Then we left and went shopping. I bought five rolls of wrapping paper, 3 new bowls for my cats, a cat scratch toy and a big catnip scratcher. I bought cookie tins, baking sheets, slippers, pendaflex folios, a make up bag, three Christmas candles, a leopard print three ring binder and some polka dot paper. I also bought a frame, some slipper socks, a Christmas mug and two Snow White pens that light up.

I’m visiting again on Friday. Need me to pick up anything for you?

How White Can One White House Be?

2007-11-30T16:51:00.000-06:00

1000 Yards of White Skin

I had to adjust the brightness on my television while watching the CNN You Tube Rupuke debate the other night. I had never seen so much white assembled in one room. I ended up wearing a pair a dark sun shades to dim the view of Anderson “Katrina” Coopers hair and hundreds of yards of the whitest white skin on earth. This must be why it is called a race for the White House.

While this debate began as a usual Rupuke hate fest, it ended up being one of the campiest productions on TV since the strike started. Of course I have yet to see Bill Moral Orally interview ALF yet. These dudes got so caught up in to out hate each other that I thought I was watching a Christopher Guest movie.

One of my favorite hate mongers on all time is Duncan Hunter, whose very name alone emits such butch overtones one might mistake him for a porn star. Duncan is mighty proud of his big wall. Yes, he built a wall, (or had it built, he is not that butch) that is several hundred feet long to protect his fellow white man from the evil Mexican doers. If elected President, Duncan has promised to build a big roof and big doors to go with the wall. In other words, Hunter is going to build one big motherfucking house to protect us all. Fox Reality TV network will televise the project, strike or no strike.

I also love Mittens Romney. Say what you will, but he is one handsome fucking Mormon. I have such a fantasy of pulling his pants down, bending him over my knees, taking a hit of poppers and having him beg Daddy Jack for a spanking. I did find it a little disturbing to read that he was out playing “touch” football with his boys the day of the debate, or was it rugby, or hamster hunting? You can insert your sport of choice as Mitt aims to please according to the voter’s geographical taste.

Then there was John McCain who will soon become the spokesmodel for Aricept. Did you know that John McCain was held captive? Let me repeat it…Did you know that John McCain was held captive? While he repeats this over and over , and over, he fails to mention that it was during the Civil War. There is no need for Viagra for this neocon, warmongering alone gives him a hard on that will keep his version of Marla Maples happy for minutes.

Then there is Ru9y Gui11ani. He thinks you should vote for him because he knows how to put on a face mask and walk in front of the cameras at the same time. Brilliant! He thought he was going to have the punch line of the hatemongering night when he made a comment about Mitten’s having a “sanctuary mansion”. He was so proud of that line, which one can assume was provided to him by Bruce Villanch, that he repeated over and over, interspersed with the frequent NINE ONE ONE. Of course the Mayor and his buddies were rewarded big time for their efforts with tons of money and pounds of poon tang. Let’s face it, Gulliani may carry a big stick, but he has a face to protect it.

Tom “who gives a rat’s ass” Tancredo announced his pending heterosexual marriage to Lou Dobbs. They are trying to make it into the Guinness Book or Records by being the first most hateful duo since Tom Delay and Barbara Bush.

Then there is Ron Paul who the others snicker at. Yet he is the only one standing with a lick of sense. He has done more than anyone else to remind people that the state of Texas isn’t completely full of assholes.

The irony was that in on this stage of supposed machismo, not one of these men could handle the ultra-soft balls that were thrown their way. Perhaps it was because they all lack a set of their own.

The above views are those of this writer and should no way be interpreted as fact, nor should the author be sent to Guantanamo Bay for having and expressing such thoughts.